Cursebreaker | 29 - HOGWILD
Last time on Cursebreaker. The road to Hogwild was coming to an end, but just before we arrived, we were attacked by a bunch of super shitty gnolls. The party defended their wagon and made it to Hogwild without any major injuries. Uli's older brothers greeted us at the front gates and told us that their reunion party is being threatened by constant gnoll attacks. After meeting the local law enforcement and springing Dave from jail, we went back to Uli's childhood home for dinner.
Tim / GM:Now, everyone be on your best behavior. We're having dinner with the missus. At the Nis household, currently is, papa Nis, maman Nis, Viri, and Dor. Those are Uli's siblings. Her youngest sister and her oldest brother.
Tim / GM:You were all very well received. Everything's been pretty cozy and familial and happy so far. Uli got hugs from her mom and her dad and then got a sort of grapple from her older brother, Dor. She confidently tossed him to the ground, and beat him 3 times in a row in a grapple check.
Speaker 2:Hell yes.
Tim / GM:You've all just stepped inside the Niss household, and they are, setting up dinner. Viri was just, getting some water, and you've introduced yourselves and are getting, sat down at dinner here. She's got a plate for each of you. The rest of the family isn't showing up for tonight's meal, so it's just gonna be a smaller group tonight. Papa and this is coming around, with plates and food.
Tim / GM:You're all having roasted vegetables, garden greens, pan fried fish, lemonade, spiced bread, and rum. Alright.
Speaker 2:I thought you said fish lemonade.
Hannah / Eryn:It's like a delicacy.
Tim / GM:As he's coming around, he sets food before all of you, and then when he gets to Uli, he sets out a much larger number of plates. She's got all of her food separated onto different plates, so that none of it touches. He just kind of it seems that he's he's keen to, to Uli's specific needs.
Speaker 4:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2:Thanks, papa.
Tim / GM:He just, noiselessly kind of smiles and nods at you. Uli's mom looks at her and says, so how's your temper been?
Speaker 2:Wow. What a what a conversation to start with.
Tim / GM:Maybe I shouldn't be asking you. I should be asking all your friends here.
Hannah / Eryn:It's been dope. Sorry. Holly, like, hunches down when she interrupts the No. Go ahead. It's been really good.
Hannah / Eryn:You know, I think Uli has really taken the right steps to help, help this adventuring team out. And I feel like she's just been a a great friend to have around. Thank you.
Tim / GM:Good. So no, no fireballs? No random explosions?
Speaker 2:Not too many.
Speaker 5:Not since lamp light.
Speaker 6:There was an oil leak problem one time, but I would say Uli's, violence has been very well directed at foes.
Tim / GM:That's for the better.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I think you raised her well. Her occasional, outrages have been well directed to the right people.
Tim / GM:Oh, well, thank you for thinking that I raised her well. So, Oli, with the oil, did you
Speaker 6:did you grease the bed again or what happened?
Speaker 2:That never happened, guys. It's it she's just
Tim / GM:she's just
Speaker 2:to embarrass me.
Hannah / Eryn:Am I to understand, missus Niss, that no other child of yours or anyone in your family is has magical abilities?
Tim / GM:Yep. That's the case. No child of mine, but, Willy's great aunt had a little bit of magic. That's where we think it comes from.
Hannah / Eryn:You know, it's not that unusual for magic to pass between families, but it I mean, it's not necessarily the rule either. However, I would say that maybe there's some undiscovered magic in your family that you don't know about.
Tim / GM:Could be. We've never really tried all that much. And, you hear door at the other end of the table. Yeah. Not everybody needs magic.
Speaker 6:A lot of
Tim / GM:people have it and a lot of people are just born with it, kind of, you know, get a leg up on the pile, but a lot of us gotta work hard and, you know, really make our own way.
Speaker 5:You don't think that magic takes hard work? It is a tool like any other. Would you begrudge someone the strength of their arms?
Hannah / Eryn:Holly, like, is shaking her head at at Tibio across
Speaker 2:the nodding my head.
Hannah / Eryn:Just like, let's not bring it up on our first meal together.
Speaker 5:Oh, I'm sorry. I I didn't mean to offend.
Tim / GM:No. You're right. I'm sure it takes hard work, you know. I'm sure it takes hard work to learn how to be a, you know, wealthy noble too.
Speaker 2:Door has just never been, you know, special at anything else.
Tim / GM:I've never been born special at anything else.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Whatever.
Tim / GM:I mean, I was born, what was that, mom? £6? Yeah. I was pretty small. But, yeah.
Tim / GM:I've I've scraped and fought for absolutely everything. I've made quite a name for myself. No fireballs slipping out of this guy.
Speaker 5:I guess I did not think of it as something to be ashamed of. In my family, we just always use magic as a tool. We did not use it in place of anything else. It does not replace the work that we do. It just assists us.
Speaker 2:People around here just can't handle people being different, I guess.
Tim / GM:It's not so much that you're different. It's that you, you know, burned down the shack 3 summers in a row.
Speaker 5:Have you never broken anything?
Speaker 2:There was a drought.
Tim / GM:I mean, sure, I've broken some things, you know, my bones, other people's bones. But, cool. At that moment, Uli's dad kind of butts in and tries to change the direction a little bit and says, I have never been in the presence of a, a dragon before.
Speaker 4:Do you
Tim / GM:care if I ask you a few questions?
Speaker 7:Snacks sits up very straight and, looks at him and gives him his best regal dragon stare.
Speaker 6:What, flight are you from, master dragon? Flight. Fight. Flight. Bert, what was the flight I am from again?
Speaker 4:Oh, we took the wagon here. No, no, no. Awesome.
Speaker 6:Well, as a as a golden. Yes. I've been in the dark a lot, so it's reddish now, but yes.
Tim / GM:Oh, I was gonna ask why. Yes. Interesting. I didn't know they changed colors like that.
Speaker 6:Well, it's it's I am actually just covered in copper, I think.
Hannah / Eryn:Actually, Snack What? We can't lie to our hosts. Snack is a kobold that is aspire he's an aspiring dragon.
Speaker 6:In between phase. Kind of like holding between, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Sorry.
Speaker 6:I'm sorry too.
Speaker 2:But Snack here, I slap him really hard on the back, has a golden dragon for a friend, a very close personal friend and mentor.
Speaker 4:Yeah. You never let's us see him.
Tim / GM:My my snack. Does that mean that you can grant wishes?
Speaker 6:Indirectly, yes. Yes, I can.
Tim / GM:Most interesting. I might need to talk to you later about some wishes that I have.
Speaker 5:Wait. Can gold dragons and genies grant wishes?
Tim / GM:A genie? Who has a genie?
Speaker 4:Oh, no. You mean our friend Jean? Has anyone checked on bidet? I think I better make sure he's still alive.
Speaker 6:Is it okay to leave the table for this moment?
Hannah / Eryn:Why is Nick asking that? Yes, you can leave.
Tim / GM:Yes, of course. You can leave.
Speaker 6:Of course, I am a dragon.
Speaker 4:And I
Tim / GM:shipped out the door.
Speaker 2:That's weird. Right? Like, he's never cared about manners before?
Speaker 5:Yeah. Yeah. I think he is trying to make a good impression.
Hannah / Eryn:I mean, that's the best behavior I ever seen snack on. Only minimal lies. Such an
Tim / GM:such an interesting creature. So the 2 of you, married, I assume? Pointing to Molly and Bert.
Hannah / Eryn:Him? No. Oh my gosh. No.
Tim / GM:Oh, excuse me. I just thought since, both of you were from Tildry, aren't you?
Speaker 4:I am From Tildry. Yes?
Tim / GM:Sorry. I
Speaker 4:just thought you were a bit of a package. There's lots of people in Tildry.
Tim / GM:My mistake. No. I just thought Uli might have befriended you both at the same time.
Speaker 4:Neither of us are married to any of them.
Speaker 2:I did befriend them both at the same time.
Hannah / Eryn:Yeah.
Tim / GM:Uli's mom chimes in and says, so, what is it then that you, do, miss, Holly?
Hannah / Eryn:Oh, I have a, my own business. I run Holly's Cobb, making footwear. And, I also, do some designing on side. So a little bit of clothing design and creation as well.
Tim / GM:Fashion designer,
Hannah / Eryn:Some people call them fashionable and avant garde and
Tim / GM:You make good money then?
Hannah / Eryn:A living sustains me and my sister and Tildry, but I wouldn't say we're rich and wealthy,
Speaker 2:but She's very well known, though. Renowned.
Speaker 4:Throughout Tildry and beyond.
Tim / GM:She, turns to Uli and says, I've never really understood all the false modesty Tildry stuff. Bit of a wheeler and dealer then, money people, I suppose.
Hannah / Eryn:I mean, we're sitting in your very large estate, so you definitely have a little bit of a leg up money wise.
Tim / GM:She, sits up a little bit straight and she says, yeah. Big estate that me and my husband built with our own hands.
Hannah / Eryn:That's amazing.
Speaker 4:It is quite impressive.
Speaker 2:It's beautiful here. Bert here is a very well known author, journalist.
Tim / GM:Fame and fortune.
Speaker 4:Little bit of fame.
Hannah / Eryn:He lives in a dormitory, so I wouldn't call it fortune by any stretch of the imagination.
Tim / GM:No. I like that. I'll call you fame, and I'll call you fortune. Sick.
Speaker 4:I don't mind that, actually.
Hannah / Eryn:I guess that's fine.
Speaker 4:Yes. I've been traveling with these 4, sort of, chronicling our adventures together. So, you know, later, I'd love to hear any and every story about Uli's upbringing and childhood.
Speaker 2:No. I mean, we we don't have.
Tim / GM:We've got stories.
Speaker 4:Oh, we got time.
Tim / GM:Oh, we don't have to. Yeah. We've got stories.
Hannah / Eryn:So tell me, you know, it's not the most normal I mean, I wouldn't say unusual, but I've never met a couple that is an orc and a human before. Can you tell me how you met?
Tim / GM:You hear a fork hit the plate. And as Viri just, like, sets down her silverware and, like, sits up straight and, like, looks over at Uli, like, oh my god. What are they saying?
Speaker 6:It's okay, everyone. Viri is still alive. Snack comes back
Speaker 7:to the table.
Speaker 6:Do you
Speaker 4:think someone should go check on him again, though?
Speaker 7:I You can be able to check
Speaker 4:on him?
Speaker 6:Do you want Of course.
Speaker 4:I'll go check on him. Yes.
Tim / GM:Snag, as you're heading, like, back into the into the house, you hear, Genie whispering up to you, and he says, I'm hearing my name. Is should I show up? What's going on out there?
Speaker 6:Not now, Genie. We do not know these people.
Tim / GM:It smells really good, though.
Speaker 6:Of course. No magic here, though. Alright. It's it's very quiet in the room too. I don't think I can whisper safely.
Tim / GM:Who is he talking to?
Speaker 7:No one. I noticed
Speaker 6:you have lots of children, offspring, yes. Is there any that you did not keep? What?
Tim / GM:Well, I guess you could say Uli kind of took herself away from us.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That was a personal choice.
Speaker 5:But, really, how how did you meet?
Tim / GM:Oh, it's not that crazy, actually.
Hannah / Eryn:Tell me your love story. And Holly's both, her hands are up on the table and her chin is resting on her fist, and she's just like, ah.
Tim / GM:He's
Speaker 4:Thomas out the door and he hears love story and he's like, yeah. Alright.
Tim / GM:It's just right. He and, Uli's mother kind of lock eyes and he says, it's funny, actually. We were sort of living parallel lives without ever knowing it. I, I was farming and she was farming and we were both just maintaining ourselves all alone until one day at a farmer's market, we ran into each other.
Speaker 2:Lily is, like, bored and playing with her food because she's heard this so many times.
Tim / GM:I would sit at the booth across from her, and every week I'd try get closer to her booth. And and I would pretend like I didn't notice him, and I would always put all my best tomatoes out on his side so he would see him.
Hannah / Eryn:Oh, that's just lovely. And so then who broke the ice first?
Tim / GM:I guess you could say I did. I didn't break the ice, really. I I broke her booth. Oh. It was a terrible windstorm, and I was trying to help her out, but I ended up collapsing the whole thing.
Tim / GM:And he showed me that he's pretty handy with tools. He knows how to fix stuff and, well, that was pretty cool, you know, because I can do the same. So
Speaker 2:And the rest is history. And now we all exist.
Tim / GM:Well, there's a lot more to it, but, yes, the rest is history.
Hannah / Eryn:That's really, really lovely. So you both grew up here in Hogwild?
Tim / GM:Around here. Yes. Not here specifically, but
Hannah / Eryn:How long has this area been overrun with gnorgs? Gnolls. Yeah. With gnorgs?
Tim / GM:The gnorgs from planet Siberian 12.
Speaker 4:The gnolls? The gnolls?
Tim / GM:Get out.
Speaker 4:If you
Tim / GM:don't know what our local thread is called, you get out.
Speaker 2:Oh, man. Jesus.
Speaker 6:So this is the extent of your conquest then?
Tim / GM:Yes. Everything from the beginning of this lot to the end of this lot is ours.
Speaker 2:Why, why are you asking?
Speaker 6:I was just wondering. It seemed like there was much conflict here, but I checked all your windows, there are no traps. I'm very confused on the circumstances of your estate.
Tim / GM:Viri actually chimes in. She says, well, here's the thing. The gnoll attacks, it's only been a recent thing, and it's only been in Hogwild. They've never shown their faces around here.
Hannah / Eryn:Well, didn't you say that sheriff was new to town?
Tim / GM:Sheriff Law? Yeah. No. He's not new. He's just around.
Tim / GM:Oh. He also just likes to say there's a new sheriff in town, like
Speaker 4:Ah. Yes.
Hannah / Eryn:That's what
Tim / GM:that's like I get it.
Speaker 2:Did the gnolls start coming when someone came back to town?
Tim / GM:I'd say it's really gotten bad in the last 4 or 5 days or so. It's been almost every night.
Speaker 5:Was there a recent caravan that came through?
Tim / GM:Oh, yeah. They, dropped off some some poor guy. Didn't look like he was doing too good, but they continued on.
Speaker 2:They dropped someone off?
Tim / GM:Yeah. But he left town days ago.
Speaker 2:Who who was it?
Tim / GM:Some brown haired guy with that, you know, center part hairstyle. But, I don't know. He was carrying around this big jar all the time. It's this huge jug and it had, like, a tube that went into his body. He said he had a bad lung and he needed it.
Speaker 2:Was this Joe? That's gross.
Speaker 4:We did stab somebody in the lung.
Hannah / Eryn:Jug Lugging Joe.
Speaker 2:Jug Lugging Joe.
Tim / GM:I
Hannah / Eryn:was Jug Lung Joe.
Tim / GM:Woah. That's good.
Hannah / Eryn:That, like, hurt to say.
Tim / GM:Jug Lung Joe. Oh. I
Speaker 8:like Jug Luggen Joe too. That's real good.
Speaker 2:When did he leave? Where'd he go? Did you talk to him? Did he touch anybody?
Tim / GM:Well, I didn't see him go. I guess he just stopped showing up at the bar. There were 2 nights in a row he was there. I kept trying to get a good look at whatever was in his jar, but
Hannah / Eryn:Are you old enough to be in a bar? I worked
Tim / GM:up a bar.
Hannah / Eryn:How old are you?
Tim / GM:How old am I?
Speaker 4:Hold on. Wait.
Speaker 2:Wait. I need to look
Speaker 4:it up. Zach is
Tim / GM:4
Speaker 4:years old.
Speaker 6:6 years old. Okay. Bert. Sorry. That was harsher than I meant.
Speaker 2:Barry is 22. So Okay.
Tim / GM:There's a bit of a lull in the conversation. Doris says, I got another job. I, I'll be heading up north in about a week or so. I, nothing big, you know, just protecting some, high budget convoys, going up to Vindorn. It's I mean, yeah.
Tim / GM:It's it's about as dangerous as it gets, but can't be worse than the Battle of Tintown. I mean, a lot of people lost their lives that day, and nobody's gonna lose their lives if if I'm around.
Hannah / Eryn:That's really admirable.
Speaker 4:Do you do these kind of jobs often?
Tim / GM:That's all I do. He, rolls up his sleeve and he shows you all these different tattoos that mean nothing to you. Wow. He says, this is what the career of a mercenary looks like. You see that one?
Tim / GM:That's Tin Town. 47 people died that day.
Speaker 5:Oh,
Tim / GM:no. Hey, not this guy.
Speaker 2:It's funny because you said, no one dies when you're around.
Tim / GM:Well, none of the good guys die. I I make the bad guys died.
Speaker 6:What is this mercenary thing? Is it like being a sheriff?
Tim / GM:It's like somebody pays you a huge amount of money to, either kill people or make sure nobody gets killed.
Speaker 2:Snack, we kind of do that.
Tim / GM:We don't really make money, though.
Speaker 2:We've made some money.
Tim / GM:Do you, Uli? Is that what you're doing now? Mercenary work?
Speaker 2:Yeah. I guess you could say that, but we've really been dealing in high level work, like saving entire cities from corruption
Speaker 5:Curses.
Speaker 2:Curses. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We're curse breakers. I'm a curse breaker now.
Tim / GM:Oh, yeah. A curse breaker? I don't know that I've ever heard of that before.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You wouldn't. It requires a really high level of, magical skill.
Speaker 5:It is a secret society that did has been around for generations, breaking curses across the the continent.
Tim / GM:Yeah. Yeah. Nobody's ever heard of them. Yeah. I, I stopped a revolution in a town a few places over not too long ago.
Tim / GM:Yeah. I still get a lot of letters about that one. People just kinda thanking me for the work I did there and making sure that people have a history to cling to.
Speaker 2:Did you start a revolution?
Tim / GM:No. I ended 1.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So did I.
Tim / GM:Yeah. Mine involved, like, thousands of people and warriors from all over the country.
Hannah / Eryn:Feel great. You know, every good deed does not need to be a competition. So I appreciate, though. I understand my sister and I always trying to have the better heel in our shoe, so I 100% get it.
Tim / GM:I wasn't trying to brag or anything. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm gonna be gone and, you know, might not come back. That's just the way of things.
Hannah / Eryn:Dora That's too bad.
Speaker 4:I've recently become a bit of a tattoo artist myself. If you don't mind me taking a look later at some of your debts.
Tim / GM:Oh, yeah. I mean, I've got a lot, a whole lifetime's worth, but you can take a look. Got some pretty cool stuff.
Speaker 4:And each one has a story to tell, I bet.
Tim / GM:Yeah. Or, you know, some heavy drinking attached to it.
Speaker 4:Wonderful.
Tim / GM:Anyway, I'm finished. So and he, like, leaves his plate on the table. Thor? Yeah.
Speaker 2:Who are you accompanying
Tim / GM:to? I don't even have a name yet. I just my company told me that there's a job going up north, and I'm I said I would take it.
Speaker 2:Well, if you get any information, I'm interested.
Tim / GM:Really?
Speaker 2:What? I just wanna know what your life is like.
Tim / GM:Alright. Think you can keep up with us. I'll let you know.
Speaker 2:Thanks.
Hannah / Eryn:Yeah. Holly looks worriedly at Tibeo, and
Speaker 8:Tibeo leans over to Holly and goes, she
Speaker 5:thinks it might be Joe's caravan.
Hannah / Eryn:Oh, I didn't put that together. Thank you.
Tim / GM:Uli's dad speaks up as Dora is about to leave, and he says, Dora, you're not leaving, are you? I believe I remember you saying that you would do the dishes this evening.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. She says, yeah.
Tim / GM:I'm gonna need some help from Uli, though. She's the only one who knows how to dry them. And his mom says, that's true. Nobody else knows how to dry dishes.
Speaker 4:Maybe I can give you a tattoo after winning the battle of the dishes.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I can help.
Tim / GM:You 2 are, are kind of relegated to the kitchen to, to clean dishes for everybody. And, Uli's family kind of, sits out on the front porch with the rest of your party for a while. And, Uli, while you're washing dishes, there's a long silence between the 2 of you as he passes wet dishes to you for you to dry. What are you doing? Why are you rubbing that one so far?
Speaker 2:What? I, like, almost fumbled the dish and
Tim / GM:I catch it. There's not a there's no specks on it. I
Speaker 2:cleaned it. Right. I'm sorry.
Tim / GM:There's another kind of long silence where you guys really don't have much to say to each other until he says, I I think this is my last one.
Speaker 2:Last last job?
Tim / GM:I think so. Why? You notice that he's been washing the same dish for a long time now and it's the last one. And he's just been waiting, trying to find something to say to you. He says, it's it's getting scary.
Speaker 2:The jobs? The risking life and limb for people you don't know?
Tim / GM:I can't keep up with certain things in the
Speaker 2:field. Like what?
Tim / GM:It's not easy when you don't have magic. Okay? The best I can do is hit somebody really, really hard. I can't throw a fireball back at somebody when they launch one at me from a 100 feet away. I just you, seem gripping the dish, and he says, I I can't compete.
Speaker 2:Door, I don't know where this is coming from because you've always been the strongest of all of us. I know. To be honest, I'm a little insulted that you're only coming to terms with this now.
Tim / GM:I mean, I just barely dodged a disintegration array last time I was out. That would have been it. Jesus. I had I had nothing to defend myself with.
Speaker 2:Have you, like, looked into magical items or, like
Tim / GM:Yeah. I mean, I have some as much as I hate using them, but it's not the same. I lose those, I'm out. I drop them, I'm out. I can't take them with me, I'm out.
Tim / GM:Uli, I the reason why I'm telling you this is I I don't want you to be like me. I don't want you to want to be like me.
Speaker 2:I think I'm making my own name for myself.
Tim / GM:That's what you should do. I don't want you to go up north with me. Uli, don't waste your time trying to prove you're the best at anything.
Speaker 2:I mean, I don't have to prove that I am.
Tim / GM:And you shouldn't. You're What you're doing right now, it's the right thing, Dooley. Make friends. Spend your life with them. Live among them, not above them.
Speaker 2:I I get what you're saying, and I agree. But I do have responsibilities now, and I think Vindorin might be one of them.
Tim / GM:It's a bad place.
Speaker 2:I've gathered that.
Tim / GM:But, I mean, if there's 2 of us up there, they don't stand a chance. Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah. And probably the rest of us.
Tim / GM:Good. They need help up there. It's it's a grim situation. We can talk more about it before you leave, but
Speaker 2:Okay.
Tim / GM:Meanwhile, out on the front porch, Viri keeps trying to dance with snack, like grabbing his little clawed paws and just, like, trying to, like, act like he's a dog or something. And just kind of, like, moves side to side holding his hands. Like, aren't you so cute? Can you do a little dance?
Speaker 6:What is this? This is not the dance I know. And then
Tim / GM:you clap clap clap, and she's, like, staring at you, like, come on.
Speaker 7:I flinch every time she claps.
Speaker 4:Dancing. Dancing is what you
Speaker 6:want. Okay.
Speaker 7:I jump onto her shoulders.
Tim / GM:She yeah. She giggles and twirls around and she says, yes, this is dancing.
Speaker 7:Yes. And then I shoot off some eldritch blasts into
Tim / GM:the sky. Holy shit. She, like, takes you off her shoulders and runs over to where some of the sparks landed in the dry grass and, like, stomps them out. She goes, that was cool.
Hannah / Eryn:Holly grabs Tibio and, grabs Tibio into a waltz and starts leading and waltzes around the yard, the front yard with Tibio in tow. And Tibio, I don't know if you know
Tim / GM:how to
Hannah / Eryn:He's laughing. He's laughing and does not know how to waltz. And so she's just kind of, like, guiding along and Yeah.
Tim / GM:Waltz in in the yard. And you hear this, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, music's coming. And you hear this. And, he starts to play a little, a little lute, out on the front porch. Snack and viridance and and, Tibio and Holly dance.
Speaker 8:Twirl around. Yeah.
Tim / GM:And Bert taps his toe on the porch and smokes a cicarello.
Speaker 4:I'm trying to quit.
Tim / GM:And, yeah. And you guys had just have a nice little hoedown moment. Viri has to get back to, Hog Wild, for her night shift at the bar. You know, things are At the
Speaker 2:hair of the hog.
Speaker 4:At the hair of the hog.
Tim / GM:Things are starting to turn up a little bit. So you all say your goodbyes, to the Niss family. Viri is coming with you, of course, so you're saying goodbye to, Dore and mama papa.
Hannah / Eryn:How late is the bar open, Viri?
Tim / GM:Till 2 AM or 3 AM. Sometimes 4. Sometimes 5. Sometimes we don't close.
Hannah / Eryn:Sounds fun.
Tim / GM:She just, like, emphatically nods her head up and down like, yes. It is.
Speaker 2:Benth has always been a real party guy.
Tim / GM:Viri kind of, like, skips ahead of you guys walking back to Hogwell, and she just goes, whoop. Who?
Speaker 4:I wanna talk to Dore before we leave, I guess.
Tim / GM:Okay. He's in that wooden shack that he referenced that had been burned down a few times. And you can see he's in there, looking over an assortment of weaponry that he's got in there.
Speaker 4:Hey, Dor. These all yours?
Tim / GM:What was it, Bart?
Speaker 4:Yeah. Bert, actually. Bert,
Tim / GM:how can I help you?
Speaker 4:I well, we're about to head out and, I know I said I wanted to take a look at your tattoos, but there's something I thought maybe I could do for you before we leave.
Tim / GM:Oh? What's that?
Speaker 4:Well, you said you were going to Vindor, and it's a pretty pretty dangerous place. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that.
Tim / GM:I know.
Speaker 4:I was wondering if you'd let me give you a tattoo before you go. It's true I'm a little green, but, I think it's one you'll appreciate.
Tim / GM:And you're a friend of Ullie's, you say?
Speaker 4:That's right.
Tim / GM:Then I suppose I have to trust you, don't I?
Speaker 4:Well, it's up to you. I promise it won't be like a penis or anything.
Tim / GM:That's honestly what I was worried about. So
Speaker 4:that's not my style.
Tim / GM:Alright then. Do me up.
Speaker 4:Alright. I'm gonna give him a death ward tattoo.
Tim / GM:Oh, shit. Cool. I think the the caveat here that you only have enough ink of the weave to instill a single tattoo at a time. I'll say in this case, you've got enough where you can, like, spare him a Okay.
Speaker 4:But I can't do 4 other ones at once. Yeah. That's fair. Okay.
Tim / GM:Especially not death ward.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay.
Tim / GM:Okay. What does it look like, the death ward tattoo?
Speaker 4:It's got a skull, and then it's got, like, probably, like, Celtic type runes around it or whatever. For sure.
Tim / GM:Yeah. He says you said you're new at this?
Speaker 4:Yeah. Just, learned how about a week ago.
Tim / GM:This is badass. And he's, like, turning around trying to see it, but he really can't. Because he doesn't have a lot of open real estate on his body, so he had to do it in the middle of his back. And he says, man, this puts some of my other work to shame.
Speaker 4:Now, what's special about this one is that Fucking cool. Yeah. But there's also the added bonus of it will protect you from dying one time.
Tim / GM:How do you mean?
Speaker 4:Well, it's a simple death word spell.
Tim / GM:What?
Speaker 4:Anytime your Back up. What did you say? The death word spell?
Speaker 6:Spell?
Tim / GM:Spell? You put, like, magic? Magic
Speaker 4:In the tattoos?
Tim / GM:Into my body. On my body.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Tim / GM:Yeah. Thanks for coming to dinner, but I don't need this. You can leave.
Speaker 4:Oh. Work.
Speaker 6:What?
Tim / GM:Thanks, but no thanks. Uli, collect your guy.
Speaker 4:Oh my god. Sorry.
Speaker 2:Bye. What was that?
Speaker 4:I gave your brother a tattoo and
Speaker 2:Oh, he didn't take it well, did he?
Speaker 4:Well, he liked it until I told him it was magic.
Speaker 2:He'll get over it.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Probably when he, like, dies and then doesn't die.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry about him.
Speaker 4:I understand. Yeah. Thanks, Lily. You put up with a lot to be here.
Speaker 2:Anything for you, Bert, and I punch him in the arm.
Speaker 4:That's weird.
Tim / GM:You've all, made it back into Hogwild. It is dark now. You've seen fireflies kind of guiding your way. As you, pass through the front gates, you can feel, gravel crunches beneath your feet, as you breathe humid summer night air, and you can smell fire smoke and roasted food. You walked on these dirt roads, passing rows of dark wooden buildings, on this raised boardwalk.
Tim / GM:Kind of like the entire village is composed of like 1 giant front porch lining every building. There's yellow lamps hanging off every doorstep and there's children kind of running every direction playing night games and trying to tag each other and run to the big oak tree at the end of the road. And you can hear music coming from all these different places and like, you feel that, like, Hog Wild survives in the day, but it thrives at night. As you approach the hair of the hog that is Barrett and Bent's bar, you feel a wave of warm air, and you can smell beer and food and smoke pouring out of the central hearth. There's just like this huge burst of noise as the door opens, and, Viri just kind of like skips in.
Tim / GM:Barrett and Benth come to the very front of the bar, to greet you there, and, they take Viri's hand, and, everybody cheers and says, Viri. And, like, the place just, like, erupts. She's everybody's favorite, of course. And, Barrett and Benth, give both of you a little nod, and then they take their spots. Benth, behind the bar, always polishing something.
Tim / GM:Barrett, there's almost a shadow of his outline against the wall where he posts up all night every night and just watches the front door. And they've kind of settled back into place, and Beth kind of flags you down to talk to him.
Hannah / Eryn:Is Viri, like, waiting tables? Yeah. I'm gonna sit down at a table and, like, gesture to my friends to sit down with me. Viri, can you get us a round?
Tim / GM:I can get you one round. I realize you're friends of Uli, but we can't do the free drinks all night for everyone kind of thing. No. No. No.
Hannah / Eryn:You misunderstood. I mean, we'll pay, of course.
Tim / GM:Oh, then hell yes.
Hannah / Eryn:Awesome. Thank you.
Tim / GM:And,
Hannah / Eryn:Give me your Harriest hog, please.
Tim / GM:She says you don't want that. And she goes to the back she goes to the back of the bar and, Uli, you see her lean against the bar and say to Ben, we need a few drinks for those, out of towners. And Ben says, right away. And he starts pouring. Says, Uli.
Tim / GM:I know. How's it going? Hey. How was mom and dad's?
Speaker 2:Oh, you know.
Tim / GM:I do know.
Speaker 2:It could have gone worse.
Tim / GM:The door blow up?
Speaker 2:He waited until we left to do that. But yeah.
Tim / GM:He just, like, almost made it.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Well,
Tim / GM:that's too bad. I, I hope your friends weren't totally scared off the NIST clan.
Speaker 2:Remains to be seen, I guess. I'll have to talk to them.
Tim / GM:Okay. Okay.
Hannah / Eryn:Holly walks up to the bar where Benth and Uli are talking, and, she kind of, like, she's unbuttoned the top couple buttons of her collar, that went up all the way up her neck. And so it's not it's only showing, like, the bottom of her neck. And she kinda leans over the floor and says, so, Ben, can you tell me what's what's good to drink here?
Speaker 4:Oh, no. Well,
Tim / GM:Viri's got around to get you
Speaker 6:all started, but, if
Tim / GM:you're asking me, you're gonna want Ben special.
Hannah / Eryn:Oh. What's Ben special?
Speaker 2:Please refrain from flirting in front of me.
Tim / GM:Being that you're a friend of my sister, I can let you have a little bit of my Mhmm. Private reserve.
Hannah / Eryn:Oh. So weird.
Tim / GM:He, he pulls out this, literally glowing golden brew from below the counter and says, care for a little sip of venth?
Speaker 4:Ew.
Tim / GM:Yeah. I
Speaker 2:think that's my cue, and I nod to Barrett, and I walk away.
Hannah / Eryn:Holly didn't hear what he said, and just saw it when he pulled the golden bottle out, and she was immediately, like, yeah. Awesome.
Tim / GM:He he takes out 2 little clay shot glasses and pours you some and pours himself some. And then, he raises his hand and then, do you grab yours?
Hannah / Eryn:Yeah. Holly picks hers up.
Tim / GM:And he does that thing where he, like, wraps his arm around yours. So you, like, do the, like, crossed arm shots.
Hannah / Eryn:Holly giggles. Yeah. And she does it too.
Tim / GM:Back at your table,
Speaker 4:boy, Holly hears one love story and it's game over, Oh, god.
Tim / GM:Bert, just as you say that, a young human lass, grabs you by your wrist and, like, yanks you off of your seat onto the dance floor
Speaker 4:Yep.
Tim / GM:And is just spinning you in circles.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah.
Tim / GM:And then she, like, throws you out onto the dance floor and is clapping and she goes, go, go, go, go.
Speaker 4:I do an extremely average dance.
Hannah / Eryn:Okay. It's the Frodo dance. Yes. It's, 14.
Speaker 4:Okay. 14 dance.
Tim / GM:Yeah. She kinda shrugs and she goes, it's a gnome dance. And a bunch of people, like, start trying to imitate your dance but it's hard for them. And, like some some other, young lady, a gnome this time, kind of like runs by and like grabs your wrist and throws you into a different circle and kind of like dances with you and forces a wooden mug into your hand. And she goes, drink drink drink.
Tim / GM:You're not drunk. Not right. Snack. There are some people that keep throwing peanuts at you.
Speaker 6:Tibia, are you noticing this slight I am experiencing?
Speaker 5:Yes. It's maybe some sort of game. Maybe you would like to play with them?
Speaker 6:I glance over at whoever's throwing nuts at me.
Tim / GM:Makeup reception
Speaker 6:check. 9. Okay. Yeah.
Tim / GM:You're not sure who or what is?
Speaker 2:He's not sure.
Tim / GM:You're not you're not sure who it
Speaker 2:is?
Hannah / Eryn:So you're definitely insulted. You see a giant squirrel sitting at the table over there and you're suspicious. Okay.
Speaker 2:I pull out my umbral umbral guard and I just, like, hold it out to him. Okay.
Tim / GM:While you're holding it, you feel another peanut smack against the umbral guard and you turn around and look right away and this time you can see a guy, like, turning and looking away as if it wasn't him. You were there.
Speaker 4:And I get
Speaker 7:off my barstool, but it's a little higher than I remember and I
Tim / GM:stumble and I step down. He says, listen, I I didn't mean to, like, upset you or anything. I just Oh, I'm not upset. Okay. Listen.
Tim / GM:My buddy here, he said that you were a dragon and that if we pissed you off enough, you could breathe fire. Is that true?
Speaker 6:Breathe fire.
Tim / GM:Yeah. Dragons can breathe fire. You gotta prove it. You a real dragon?
Speaker 7:And I sneeze and I shoot just like a tiny burst of fire at him.
Tim / GM:And he goes, yeah. And the guy next to him is like, yeah, I told you.
Speaker 4:Oh, no.
Tim / GM:Okay. This guy needs to see downstairs. What's downstairs? Games, bud. You gotta come with us.
Tim / GM:Of course. Seriously, it's the best. Come with us.
Speaker 6:Yes. We must go there immediately.
Tim / GM:And, they drag you into the basement. You can hear, like so much noise coming from down there. It like compared to how lively it was upstairs, like, it's happening downstairs. You get into the basement, you see like dart boards, like people throwing darts like over groups of people like playing cards on the floor. There's people, like, fighting in a corner.
Tim / GM:Like, this is where it gets hog wild.
Speaker 4:This is familiar. I have not been to a
Speaker 6:place like this in quite some time.
Tim / GM:You hear some clacking in the corner and you see, 2 hobgoblins playing hawkrocks. My goodness.
Speaker 6:Snack realizes he has not the rock anymore.
Speaker 4:Mhmm. He
Tim / GM:must rely upon skill. The, hobgoblins finished up their game and one of them turns out their pockets and they have nothing left and they just go,
Speaker 4:Fine. Take it all.
Tim / GM:The other hobgoblin is sitting there counting their coppers and they say, another challenge, yeah?
Speaker 6:I will only do this thing if you can match my wager.
Tim / GM:Not impressed by coppers? Have you ever seen and he pulls out a silver.
Speaker 4:A A silver? I
Speaker 7:stare at the ceiling as I pull up the the lamp, and I just tip it upside down for a bit and then, like, let, like, a 100 gold fall on the ground.
Tim / GM:Too rich from my blood, I think.
Speaker 6:Fine. There are other things we can wager.
Tim / GM:Yes. I wager. And he, pulls out this little piece of paper and he shows you the first bit of it and you can see that it's a magic scroll and he, like, rolls it back up.
Speaker 6:Magic. Okay. Yeah.
Tim / GM:If you wish to engage in a hawk grok, what do you, AJ?
Speaker 7:I took off my mithril shirt that I am wearing under my cloak. Okay.
Tim / GM:Yeah. He sees, the obviously magical nature of it and he says, I accept your challenge. And he moves the stone, one place closer to himself, indicating that your wager was higher.
Speaker 7:Okay.
Tim / GM:And he says, now throw.
Speaker 7:That's, 23.
Tim / GM:Okay. You got a 6. Okay. He says, okay. Okay.
Tim / GM:Time for the big guns, I suppose. He actually goes to a wooden chest behind him, and he like looks around and makes sure that you don't see him like undoing the locks on it, and then he takes out a little gem. Beat that. And you can see a, a little sapphire.
Speaker 7:The 100 gold on the ground I shifted, towards the game.
Tim / GM:We are beyond coin. I want magic. I want jewels. I see.
Speaker 6:I take out the, dowsing rod. I don't
Tim / GM:know what this is, but
Speaker 4:It's a magic stick. Yeah. It finds other magic. Yes. I don't know the worth of this item.
Speaker 6:Yes. Yes. Of course.
Tim / GM:I I
Speaker 6:think I know of someone.
Speaker 7:I take out the mallet then and I tap it on the ground and Henry Muldriff appears. Okay.
Tim / GM:He's got a tiny plate and he's eating like a slice of pie and he just
Speaker 6:says, Henry, I hope Maisie is safe. Was there another adult at the house?
Tim / GM:No. Where am I?
Speaker 4:You are
Tim / GM:Oh my god. It's Hogwaile. Oh my god.
Speaker 6:Henry, you are an expert on magic items. Yes. Oh, a divining rod. Yes. Yes, Hogrocks.
Speaker 6:Would you say that this wager is matches this, gem he has? A pretty hard comparison. You understand? No, I really don't. That's why I summoned you here.
Tim / GM:Fairly neck and neck, I'd say. Probably the sapphire. I see. Did I say the wrong thing, Snack?
Speaker 6:It is quite fine. I feel funny. I I'm fading away. It's alright. I don't feel so good, mister snack.
Tim / GM:And he starts to, like, fade away as the, teleportation spell begins to wear. So your plan backfired? Fine.
Speaker 6:Here, I'll move the rock.
Tim / GM:K. You move it, back a little bit towards the middle, but not quite in the middle. Upstairs. Okay. Tibio.
Tim / GM:Oui. Something draws you outside. What is it?
Speaker 8:After seeing Lily interact with her family I miss my family, and I'm concerned about what I'm gonna find when I go home. And I'm disappointed that I haven't found my parents. So I'm feeling a little, like, I've got a little bit of
Hannah / Eryn:ennui. Mhmm.
Speaker 6:A little
Tim / GM:bit of ennui?
Speaker 4:We just had a little
Hannah / Eryn:and, yeah, a
Speaker 8:little angsty. So I just go outside to get some time to myself.
Tim / GM:While you're out there, you hear somebody humming, from the alleyway. It's a a man's voice, and it's just this,
Speaker 8:mhmm. I tilt my head and I look around to see where the voice is coming from.
Tim / GM:You see a, a man kind of sitting in the shadows in the alleyway between a couple of boxes. He doesn't look like homeless or really like down in his locker in any way, it just seems like he's more comfortable in an alleyway. You can see that he's actually holding a rat in his palm, and he's like humming to it, he's like singing to it. And it just seems to sway a little bit, and it's like the rat is intently focused on his face.
Speaker 8:I walk up.
Tim / GM:He, hears you approaching and he stops humming, and the moment he does, the rat dies in his hand. And he looks up at you and says, can I help you?
Speaker 5:I I am sorry. I did not mean to interrupt.
Tim / GM:That's alright.
Speaker 8:Can I feel any sort of magic from what he was doing?
Tim / GM:Yeah. You felt like, it's kind of like looking at something right when the lights get turned off. Like, you couldn't catch it, but there was something there. He, sets this dead rat back on the ground, respectfully.
Speaker 5:Is there something I can help you with? Are you okay out here?
Tim / GM:I'm quite okay while I'm alone.
Speaker 5:Oh, I can leave. I did not
Tim / GM:Oh, I don't need to be alone either. I'm just quite alright being by myself.
Speaker 5:Oh, okay. If you don't mind my asking, what are you doing?
Tim / GM:Singing to someone who needs a song, I think. And he goes, and you see the rat kind of like stir again, and it starts to walk towards him and it kind of settles on his shoe.
Speaker 5:How is it that you are doing that? You are not guessing anything that I am familiar with?
Tim / GM:It's not classic necromancy if that's what you're asking.
Speaker 5:I guess that is what I'm asking. I am a necromancer myself.
Tim / GM:Oh. He, he straightens himself out a little bit. You can see he's wearing this black cloak and you can see a little bit of white bone sewn into his cloak, but you couldn't get the whole shape of it. He leans back against the wall and he says, I suppose you could call me a bard, but I'm also a necromantic wizard at the same time.
Speaker 5:How? How?
Tim / GM:Things respond to my voice, but it seems to push people away.
Speaker 5:I find that so fascinating. I have never used my necromancy that way.
Tim / GM:Yeah. It's almost like they can hear me, but only when I sing to them.
Speaker 5:Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Tim / GM:He, doesn't look at you and he just idly says, please, I don't get many.
Speaker 5:Does it feel different from necromancy when you sing?
Tim / GM:It feels like a performance. It doesn't feel like I'm commanding anything. It feels like they want to be here with me.
Speaker 5:Do they reach out to you?
Tim / GM:I think so. And it kind of, lifts its nose as if it smelled something attractive.
Speaker 8:I try to, like, reach out and get a feel if I can feel anything.
Tim / GM:Yeah. You feel that this this rat is, like, occupied, like, with necromantic magic. Like, you couldn't take control of it if you wanted to.
Speaker 8:Okay. Does it feel anything like how I felt at the tower of magic?
Tim / GM:I would say not so much. This this feels kind of shiny and new.
Speaker 8:Okay.
Tim / GM:In a way, it's a new avenue of necromancy that you've never seen. And he kind of stops humming, dusts himself off and stands up, up, and he says, not many people look for another solution once they've found one. Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 5:I do. I do know what you are saying.
Tim / GM:There's more than one way to communicate with the
Speaker 5:past. Can you teach me?
Tim / GM:I might be able to. Just practice that melody that you heard just now. Maybe I'll see you again sometime.
Hannah / Eryn:Oh, okay.
Tim / GM:And he, turns away from you and you can see sewn into his cloak are 3 spinal columns that run all the way down. Cool. And, he seems to be able to control them, like at his whim. Cool. Every now and then you hear this.
Tim / GM:And you can see like 3 or 4 rats raise up in the street and then just stop again. And then raise up and stop.
Speaker 8:Yeah. I I guess I sit outside for another minute getting a feel for what just happened, and I, like, haltingly try to to myself a little bit, trying to see if I caught the melody. But then I just shake my head, and I'm gonna think about it later. I'm gonna worry about it later, and then go back inside.
Tim / GM:Yeah. You've certainly got the melody, but you don't see much. Mhmm. Tibio kind of walks back into the bar. The camera pans down, and you see a rat twitch.
Tim / GM:Holly, you had undone the top button of your shirt. You go to sit back down at your table. When you do, a strange man sits down at the table across from you. He says, I don't know your name. I don't know where you're from, but I need more.
Tim / GM:What?
Speaker 5:I saw that one button and I was undone.
Tim / GM:He says, listen here. I I know you've probably seen a lot of fast talkers in your day, and I'm sure you've turned down a good many more, but I'm legit and I'm honest and I mean it. And he slides a tiny box across the table and he says, are you going to? And you see behind him are 2 other men that are kind of trying to look over his shoulder at you. Open
Hannah / Eryn:it. Holly's so confused right now, and she's just, like, has no idea what's happening. So she open she's like, okay. And she, opens up the box.
Tim / GM:You see a tiny copper band inside. He says, it ain't much, but it's what I can afford. And if you'll be mine forever and always and be true, I'd love for you to be my wife.
Hannah / Eryn:Oh, really?
Tim / GM:What's your name again?
Hannah / Eryn:My name's Sally. It's Sallyloo. He
Speaker 4:says, he,
Tim / GM:takes his hat off and he starts fanning himself and he says, Sallyloo, my stars. And, you hear the 2 other guys behind him say, but come on. Just because he was first doesn't mean that he's got the only shot. Right? We we got a chance.
Hannah / Eryn:Now, now, fellas. No need to get hasty. And, from nowhere, Holly produces a fan, and she just starts fanning herself.
Tim / GM:The person behind her says, yeah, you think copper's good? Check this out. And he, like, slams a ring on the table, and it's pure silver. And he says, that's real silver. He grabs at your hand and he's like, put it on put it on.
Hannah / Eryn:No touching. Then she pulls her hand away.
Tim / GM:And, the 3rd guy kind of butts through the 2 of them and says, now, you 2 need to learn some of your manners when you're dealing with a real lady. And he reaches out a hand to grab yours, Holly, and he says, what is it you said your name was again, young miss?
Hannah / Eryn:Sally Lou. And she, like and she puts her fan up in front of her face.
Tim / GM:He says, Sallyloo, I do declare. And he takes out a handkerchief, and he, like, blots both of his cheeks really quick. And he says, now, is there any way a well-to-do businessman could make a connection with such a Sally Lou?
Hannah / Eryn:I'm afraid I'm already taken.
Tim / GM:What? By the likes of these lowlifes?
Hannah / Eryn:Oh, no. Another suitor in a faraway place.
Tim / GM:Fig is just as wail.
Speaker 2:Do I see any of this happening?
Tim / GM:You see people, like like, swamping like swarming Holly and just, like, antagonizing her, but you also see Holly, like, taking it all in stride.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah. No. I wasn't gonna She's having
Hannah / Eryn:a blast. Yeah. I'm just messing with everybody.
Speaker 2:Wondering what the fuck is happening. So I go back up to the bar, and I try and talk to Ben.
Tim / GM:I'm enough of a gentleman to know when I've met my defeat. Miss Sally Lou, I hope you have self a wonderful time in hog wild. Don't let these, gutter folk ruin your time.
Hannah / Eryn:Oh my. Now, I don't take anything he says to heart and winks at everybody.
Tim / GM:The first guy is still just, like, locked eyes on you the entire time. The second guy looks at me and goes, fuck you,
Hannah / Eryn:Billy. What
Speaker 2:what did you give her?
Tim / GM:Okay. Okay. Okay. Remember that time I made that glowing stuff? Remember we called it, like, 10 bottles in 1 or something like that?
Tim / GM:Yeah. Yeah. Some of that.
Speaker 2:Oh, no.
Tim / GM:She wanted a taste of hog wild. Looks like she needs to let loose, you know?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Why all the men? What happened?
Speaker 7:I don't know.
Tim / GM:Pretty lady? Things happen. There's plenty of ladies too, if that's what you're into these days.
Speaker 4:Uly. Uly. Uly. Uly. Uly.
Speaker 4:Uly.
Tim / GM:Uly. Ladies of every shape and color.
Speaker 4:Hot Wild is awesome. I love it
Speaker 2:here. Yeah.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna ask Jake to marry me. Oh my god. Jake Jake is that girl over there?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Right over there?
Speaker 4:Jake is so mean to me.
Speaker 2:She's mean to you. That that's what you like.
Speaker 4:Well, yeah. And other stuff?
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 4:Okay. I'm gonna go dance again. Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Don't have too much fun.
Speaker 4:Do it.
Tim / GM:Tibia, as you're heading back into the bar, you open the door, and then immediately someone kind of blows past you on their way in, and you all hear a loud clink
Speaker 4:clink. Oh.
Tim / GM:And, a sort of hollow scraping noise as Law steps into the bar. Snack. In the basement, everything goes immediately silent, and everybody just goes, shit, pack it up. Everybody, pack it up. Everybody starts, like, grabbing all of their valuables.
Tim / GM:The, the hobgoblin across from you, like, dives for that pile of gold that you let out, and starts, like, shoveling a bunch towards himself.
Speaker 7:I grab his arm and I take out the sick looking dagger, and I, like, stab it in between 2 of his fingers.
Tim / GM:Nice.
Speaker 7:And then I turn it slightly and move it up, so it just barely cuts in between his two fingers.
Tim / GM:Okay. Yeah. Give me, intimidation check with advantage. Wow. 25s.
Tim / GM:Okay. Jesus.
Speaker 7:Intimidation. Hey,
Tim / GM:14. So, yeah. When the cyclical dagger comes down, it doesn't play out exactly how you want it to, but he does, like, recoil his hand really quick and he decides his hands are worth more than that pile of gold. And he just kinda recoils from you and he says, at least give him my sapphire back.
Speaker 6:We are not done with this game. I care not what scares you right now.
Speaker 4:The law comes for us all.
Speaker 6:We do not end a game of hawk rocks prematurely.
Tim / GM:You can see him, like, sweating bullets and he's just, like, standing his ground. Everybody else has, like, cleared out already. Like, they're all just, like, flooding out of, like, secret exits and stuff. And so it's just the 2 of you down here in this smoky, damp, empty room. And he's like, okay then.
Tim / GM:Ready to throw?
Speaker 6:What's your wager?
Tim / GM:I wager. And he, like, looks up the stairs. I wager. Grabs a copper and he, like, sets it down.
Speaker 7:That's my wager. I, take out my bracer and set it on the table
Speaker 6:and say, not good enough. He holds
Tim / GM:what little hair he has and he says, oh, blast. Okay. You win and throw. And, he's obviously nervous. He's, like, shaking as he throws and he takes disadvantage, ending with a 4.
Tim / GM:Fuck. And then that one. Oh, no. Alright. Snack, you get a little too excited.
Tim / GM:And you throw your rock, and it bounces off the ground, and it skips off the hard stone, and it goes straight up and smashes law right in the beak. And he, like, turns his head really quick, and you can see the scuff on the side of his beak. And then he just kinda wipes it with one big feathered arm, and he says, do I see some illegal activity going on down here? Hello, la. You look at the hobgoblin and he faints.
Speaker 6:I did not know that this game is illegal.
Tim / GM:No repercussions, Ann. You didn't know it was illegal, right?
Speaker 7:I look around at my party that's not here.
Speaker 6:Yes. I did not know. It is sacred game to us dragons.
Tim / GM:Well, that about settles that then. Thank you. Yep. Go right on upstairs.
Speaker 4:We're just gonna finish the game though.
Tim / GM:You look down and the goblin's still out cold.
Speaker 6:Alright then.
Tim / GM:The sapphire's right there. Did I lose the game? No. You were winning at the time
Speaker 7:Okay.
Tim / GM:But he passed out.
Speaker 7:Okay. I'll just grab my stuff and then go open.
Tim / GM:Okay. Wow. As you're leaving, he, like, stops you and he goes, you can detect sarcasm, can't you? He kneels down real close to you and you can see his, like, giant beak and, like, bird eyes staring right at you. He says, what you were doing was illegal wagering.
Tim / GM:I see. Doesn't matter how important it is to your kind. That's legal in hog wild. Right.
Speaker 6:I may need a brochure or many things I'm used to. You know, I once was a share I will I'll tell you later. Bye.
Tim / GM:Well, you're lucky I'm here on other business, or else I'd see to your justice. But as it is, you gotta come with me anyway. I gotta talk to you and your friends.
Speaker 6:I will gather them.
Tim / GM:I've gathered them. You follow me.
Speaker 6:I will follow
Tim / GM:you. The atmosphere is significantly subdued, much like a police car driving through traffic. Everyone here has slowed down terribly. He, clears off that center table that Holly was at and he says, we got a bit of a situation on our hands. I hope you all can appreciate that.
Tim / GM:These gnoll attacks have been consistent nightly, getting worse. Tomorrow being our wild out festival, we know that tonight is gonna be their worst attack yet. We ain't near ready for it. And that's where y'all come in. And Ben says, oh, hey.
Tim / GM:I forgot to tell you guys. Law is gonna come here, and I told him you would help him defend from the gnoll attacks tonight. Oh, he's here already.
Speaker 2:Thanks for a heads up.
Tim / GM:Good. Good. Anybody need a drink?
Speaker 4:Bert comes over, and he's got a perfect, gnome, hand sized slap mark on his face. I think we had to do it tonight, mister Law.
Tim / GM:We do. I anticipate they'll be here in less than 2 hours from now.
Speaker 4:Okay. I cast a sloppy
Tim / GM:lesser restoration on myself to get
Speaker 4:that drunk.
Tim / GM:Beautiful. Okay.
Speaker 2:Did we rest?
Tim / GM:Oh, yeah. Not since you guys did your fireball and sleet storm on the Knowles this morning.
Hannah / Eryn:This is what we get for partying all day, Maggie.
Speaker 8:Yeah. Dinner could have been our short rest?
Tim / GM:Actually, that's that's fair. Dinner, I would say, counts as a short rest. You'll you'll have a chance for another one here yet if you really needed it, but I would say that you all can take the benefit of a short rest through dinner at the Niss Family House.
Hannah / Eryn:What is a short rest restore?
Tim / GM:It's dependent on your class in some cases, but you can use that to restore HP. Wizards, I believe, can recharge some of their spell slots. Mhmm. That would be you too, Holly.
Speaker 6:Party members. May we kill these gnolls if we fight them?
Tim / GM:Absolutely. I think you'd have to. They're not good prisoners. They're also the spawn of evil. I wouldn't feel bad one bit about it.
Hannah / Eryn:Holly's pushing up her sleeves. She's like, where do we find them? Let's go.
Tim / GM:They'll find us. More specifically, they'll find a few of our buildings. It's the ones they keep going to. Thankfully, there's 5 of y'all and there's 5 buildings we need defending.
Speaker 4:My math checks out.
Speaker 5:Are there certain things about these buildings that are attracting them?
Tim / GM:Yeah. Resources. We got a blacksmith. Well, it's really a barrel maker, a cooper if you will. The blacksmith, the water tower, the ice house, the storehouse, and of course the tavern here.
Tim / GM:We gotta keep an eye on all of them.
Speaker 2:Which one gets the most action?
Tim / GM:Hard to say. Dry as it's been, they've been after the water tower or something fierce. But they're always stealing iron too, and that's a blacksmith.
Speaker 4:Bent, Barrett, are are you able to defend this place at all?
Tim / GM:Yeah. To some degree, but, you know, I'm not a fighter. He undoes his shirt a little bit and he says, I love her.
Hannah / Eryn:Holly giggles. He
Tim / GM:gives you a little wink. Like
Speaker 2:gags in
Speaker 4:the background.
Tim / GM:Barrett says, too much. I devised a little bit of a plan, actually. And granted I didn't get a lot of time with y'all this afternoon. I got my bearings well enough I think. Uli, I think you're best suited to defend the tavern.
Tim / GM:You got your family here and that's what's important. You gotta help them. Use your magic.
Speaker 5:Aw.
Tim / GM:Do stuff that they can't.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Tim / GM:Miss Hyacinth, I recommend you take over the storehouse. I heard whispers of your transmutation magic. That might come in handy there. For the same reason, mister Tibio, I think you'd do well in the ice house.
Speaker 5:Okay.
Tim / GM:It's where we keep all our cold stuff.
Speaker 5:Sure. That sounds right.
Speaker 4:You'll defend the skeleton house.
Tim / GM:Yeah. Water tower might need a little bit of climbing. I was hoping our, cold bald friend could help us out with that.
Speaker 7:That's right. Yes. Fine.
Tim / GM:And, lastly, that leaves the blacksmith and the Coopers. Bert, what do you think?
Speaker 4:You can count on me, officer.
Tim / GM:I hope there's some confidence behind that one because blacksmith is closest to the entrance too likely to be the 1st place they hit. Cool.
Hannah / Eryn:Yeah. That's the healer there. That's great. That sounds like good strategy.
Tim / GM:Well, speaking of strategy, I do have a little, leg up that's gonna help us all. And he, holds out these little, square, like wooden devices with some metal trim. And he says, these are stope talkies. I only got 2 extras and I got one that I keep on myself. You can transfer messages freely up to a 1000 feet or so, but you see, the thing is you gotta stop moving while you're using them.
Tim / GM:And he, like, walks around the table with it, and you hear this, like, whenever he walks. And then he stops and it clears up. And he says Can you hear me? And it kind of doubles on the other 2 stopy talkies. So who who could make good use of these?
Tim / GM:I think maybe Bert, you'd seen coming first.
Speaker 4:That's true. But, I think if I need to message anyone else in the group, I could just write.
Tim / GM:What do you got? Like, a carrot you're pigeon?
Speaker 4:Not quite.
Hannah / Eryn:Something like that.
Speaker 4:It's a magic pen that lets me communicate with anybody.
Tim / GM:Oh, well, that is something. Alright. Well, that frees up a stopy talky. Who wants it?
Speaker 8:Do we have an idea of
Hannah / Eryn:the what the scene looks like?
Tim / GM:So if you imagine, Hog Wild is a, a circle, that is butted up against a lake so that, like, a third of the circle is, like, Venn diagramming with the lake. So a little bit of it's cut off, so it's kind of a u shape sort of thing.
Speaker 6:May I have one of these takis?
Tim / GM:Yeah. Tosses it down to you. He says, come in and snack.
Speaker 7:I, flew up into the air a bit.
Tim / GM:Oh.
Speaker 6:Can you hear me now?
Tim / GM:Does it work? It doesn't work if you're moving, but if you're hovering, it's fine.
Speaker 6:K. Yeah. Wonderful. I will take this. Okay.
Speaker 5:And, mister, where are you going to be?
Tim / GM:I'm a be outside the city trying to spot them coming and I'll let y'all know. Then I'll be inside the city making my way back to the tavern.
Speaker 5:So we need your stupid turkey to be close enough to the next one for it to be effective.
Tim / GM:Correct. But I could be pretty well outside of the town and still reach the water tower which is where snack's gonna be. Okay. Well maybe we just leave the other one back at the bar then. They probably need all the warning they can get.
Tim / GM:What do you say, Julie?
Speaker 5:Yeah. That makes sense.
Tim / GM:He hands one off to you. He says, check check into the microphone. He, like, recoils from
Speaker 4:the Alright. It works.
Tim / GM:It's good. It working. Don't do that again.
Speaker 5:1 is with law.
Tim / GM:Yeah. 1's with law.
Speaker 8:One's at the tavern.
Tim / GM:And one's with snack.
Hannah / Eryn:And water tower's in the middle?
Tim / GM:Yep. So the, the atmosphere at the hair of the hog dies a little bit, after you guys have this pretty sobering, literally sobering conversation about how to take care of this gnoll problem as they try to ruin the wild out party. About an hour goes by where you all get to sit and kind of relax, continue to talk plans, things like that, and then it becomes get in position time. They don't know exactly when the attack is gonna come, so y'all have to be ready. You split off to your separate places.
Tim / GM:When you walk into the blacksmith, you see it is indeed mostly a Cooper, a barrel maker. So there's a lot of, like, barrel staves lying around, a bunch of, like, iron rings lying around. There is, like, a forge, with, like, iron stock and hot coals that are still smoldering.
Speaker 4:I was hoping for some sort of bad ass sword guy. Not not barrels.
Tim / GM:There's a man named Eugene who works there. Eugene. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Are you ready to defend your fortress?
Tim / GM:I'm ready to hide when the gnolls get here, if that's what you mean.
Speaker 4:Yeah. That's fair. Is there any way we could rig some sort of cool barrel trap? Like, say, release a bunch of barrels and they roll down and then the gnolls are like, oh.
Speaker 7:He just points at you.
Tim / GM:And he says, that's something we could do. The 2 of you get to work on setting up this barrel trap.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Tim / GM:So at the water tower, there's, like, a a high pressure spigot, like, near the ground where people can, like, use, like, a direct feed from the water tower. There's a bunch of, like, pipe works in the lower area that you could very easily, like, lose attackers in. It's also a very long drop. This thing is, like, 40 feet tall.
Speaker 6:I climbed back down. Okay.
Tim / GM:And you are alone here. It's just you.
Speaker 6:Yes. I will, make an illusion.
Speaker 7:Nice. Of what? And I make a different spigot.
Tim / GM:Oh, nice.
Speaker 6:A nicer looking one. Yes.
Tim / GM:Okay.
Speaker 6:And then I am satisfied and climb underneath the water tower.
Tim / GM:Okay. At the ice house, Tibio, you immediately get the idea that they were going for it. When you walk in, you see all these, like, animal carcasses, that are hooked up on chains, like hanging from the ceiling. So this place is, like, decked out in meaty bones. Give me a investigation check as well.
Hannah / Eryn:Yucky 21.
Tim / GM:While you're walking through there, you notice just the tiniest, gap in the floor where the floorboards all meet evenly and you find a little secret hatch. There is a lower room to the ice house with an additional cold room that is chockablock full of ice cream. But it's also a very well hidden secret room below the ice house.
Speaker 8:Okay. Okay.
Tim / GM:At the storehouse, Holly, you see, sacks of flour and oats and bolt grains and all this stuff. In another room you find, ropes and silks, fabric and wool. In another room you find, like, fuel, like oil and flint and ammunition and chains and, more explosive things. Plenty of stuff to work with, but you're also alone in here.
Hannah / Eryn:Is it like a normal storefront or more like a warehouse with, like, big barn doors type of thing?
Tim / GM:It's like a warehouse that supplies Hog Wild with all of their reserves.
Speaker 5:Okay.
Hannah / Eryn:Holly is going to take some of the rope, and she will find the thinnest when she can and just pull it across the entryway. Yeah. And then she's gonna bring it up so that it pulls tight when they cross over the entryway for the first time.
Speaker 4:Perfect.
Hannah / Eryn:And then she is going to rig a bolt of cloth with some chain wrapped around it to drop from the ceiling, like, 5 feet after they trip over
Tim / GM:Okay.
Hannah / Eryn:The first trap. So she's gonna booby trap it, basically, with, like, whatever she can.
Tim / GM:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So So
Hannah / Eryn:she's gonna drop some, Legos and Hot Wheel Race Cars
Speaker 4:next. And they're
Hannah / Eryn:gonna fall down the stairs, and then they're gonna burn their hands on the waffle iron.
Tim / GM:So back at the tavern, Ullie, the last line of defense as it were, you've got pretty familiar stuff going there. You've got ale and barrels. You've got Barrett and Benthe. You've got furniture, darts, and cups. They've, like, laid out some, like, throwing darts on the counter, and Benth just kinda shrugs and he says, I don't know.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm pretty good with improvised weapons.
Speaker 5:Hey oh.
Tim / GM:He says he says, I know. And he's like he, like, sets out a few more like mugs and breakables for you. He's like, use what you have to.
Speaker 2:Got any bar stools?
Tim / GM:He like picks up one that's got like a broken leg, and he's like, throw away.
Speaker 2:Perfect. You'll be helping. Right, Barrett? Bent, I you're not we all know.
Tim / GM:Yeah. Bent was, like, sitting there, like like, not responding. Like, and then, Ben, Barrett just says yes.
Speaker 2:Sweet. Just like old times.
Tim / GM:Yes.
Speaker 2:Cool. Now we just wait, I guess.
Tim / GM:Yeah. Wait, you do. You can all hear, the noisy crickets outside Hogwild as an unusual silence settles on this place around midnight, much earlier than they're used to going to bed. But everybody's got the word. Tonight is not going to be a great night in Hogwild.
Tim / GM:Amid the quiet chirps and the faint smell of fire smoke, Bert, you and Eugene are, embroiled in this conversation about nothing really. And, Eugene is saying there was thoughts that we'd get married, but I don't know. We were just kind of older at that point and things panned out so poorly with my first wife that I just I didn't wanna do it all over again.
Speaker 8:You know
Tim / GM:what I mean?
Speaker 4:I understand. You chose the barrels.
Tim / GM:I chose the barrels. And, I don't know. I guess life is funny. You know? It just
Speaker 4:It is a barrel of Barrel of Did you Did you Did you hear that? Barrel of laughs.
Tim / GM:He, like, he, like, puts it he puts his he puts his hand over your mouth and he says, I think they're here. Wasn't wasn't your guy supposed to warn us?
Speaker 4:Law? Can we trust that guy?
Tim / GM:I mean, yeah. He's the law. Right? I mean, okay. The rest is up to you.
Tim / GM:I I'm not a fighter. Oh my god. I should have married her. What am I doing here? Oh my god.
Tim / GM:You gotta save my shop. And
Speaker 2:you go Jean.
Tim / GM:He goes into a back room and closes the door, and you hear it lock. And then it opens real quick, and he says, good luck. And he locks it again.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna cast a clairvoyance outside of the, blacksmith.
Speaker 6:Okay. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Do I need to read this?
Tim / GM:I you do. This guy doesn't know what it is.
Speaker 4:It's an invisible sensor within range, which is a mile, in a location familiar to you. The sensor remains in place for the duration, can't be attacked or otherwise interacted with. When you cast the spell, you choose seeing or hearing. I will choose seeing.
Tim / GM:Okay. And you're right outside the gates? Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 4:I I guess where, law would have been?
Tim / GM:Mhmm. Yeah. So the gates of Hogwild have been closed tonight, of course, to provide some kind of defense to attackers. You see so using projected vision, it's a little disorienting kind of looking around out there. There's sort of a fish eye effect to it all, but when your eyes adjust to the dark, you see Law standing there.
Tim / GM:Not too far down the road, He's clearly looking out for gnolls that are coming, but you see the gnolls pass by him and he does nothing.
Speaker 4:Holy crap.
Tim / GM:And, you can hear this like
Speaker 4:of
Tim / GM:the gnolls getting closer outside the gates.
Speaker 4:My pen only works with 1, recipient. Right?
Speaker 7:Can't be
Tim / GM:like You can write multiple names and then cross them out.
Speaker 4:Great.
Tim / GM:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Okay. Dear, Tibio, Snack, Uli, and Holly. I don't have time to explain, but it seems our friend La
Tim / GM:What's your AC?
Speaker 4:Well, I'm not finished with my letter yet.
Tim / GM:14. Okay. A crossbow bolt, goes sailing into the blacksmith room and just thwacks against a wood board right next to your face. Whoop.
Speaker 4:I get down on the floor and keep writing.
Tim / GM:Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 4:Why is letting the Nails in? They're coming. Shit. Sincerely, Bert.
Tim / GM:So you all receive this message at the same time.
Speaker 2:Seems like it's time.
Tim / GM:Ben says, alright, time to shine. And, he just kind of disappears behind the bar.
Speaker 2:Perfect.
Speaker 7:La had one of the the taki no taki walkies? Oh, yeah. Okay.
Speaker 2:No taki walkies.
Tim / GM:Stopy talkies. Stopy talkies.
Speaker 6:How dare you, law, betray us in such a way?
Tim / GM:What are you talking about?
Speaker 6:All the gnolls passing by. Why would you
Tim / GM:allow this? They got in? Damn. They must have came from somewhere else. Well, I
Speaker 6:mean, I need to do my job,
Tim / GM:and I'm coming back in.
Speaker 7:I would Right.
Tim / GM:At that moment, you see something dark moving around at the base of the water tower snack.
Speaker 6:What is this?
Tim / GM:You hear just this muffled
Speaker 6:are we going into combat or
Tim / GM:Let's have everybody roll initiative. 19.
Hannah / Eryn:I also got 19. I got the 17.
Speaker 8:That's 12. Well, baby 6.
Tim / GM:Okay. Snack, it is indeed your turn. You may you may initiate combat. Snack, you see, 2 gnolls that are kind of like, nodding their heads to each other as they are like creeping up on your false spigot. The illusion.
Speaker 7:I step out from under the the little, pipes and stuff I was hiding in.
Speaker 4:Please don't die too easily. I want this to be fun.
Speaker 6:And then I shoot
Speaker 7:an eldritch blast 1 at each of them. Okay. Nice. First one, 10. Okay.
Speaker 7:2nd one, 24. 24 hits. 10 does not. Okay. 13 damage.
Speaker 7:Okay. Alright.
Tim / GM:So you sent 2, purplish orangey eldritch blasts, whizzing through the night air here, kind of illuminating the center of town a little bit. One of them, goes, goes foul a little bit and just streaks into the dirt and kind of like rolls to a stop underneath somebody's porch. The other Eldritch Blast just nails one of these gnolls right in the chest, and you see this thing go to the ground and kind of spiral as it does, but it doesn't move after that.
Speaker 6:Yes.
Tim / GM:The other gnoll, like, dives behind something in all the confusion and the brightness, and is trying to hide from you. Make a perception check.
Speaker 6:Metro 1. Okay. 2 tonight.
Tim / GM:Alright. So the the gnoll is like in the middle of a literally empty, like, just area. And he just dives and disappears.
Speaker 4:These stars are way too bright here. I can't see anything.
Tim / GM:Holly. You hear the same, gnoll noises coming from right outside the storehouse. They are right on the other side of the door from where you've got your ear up to. You hear that same, like.
Hannah / Eryn:Holly's just gonna let him come, but I guess can I just wait until I wanna respond to them?
Tim / GM:You can let them walk in first, and you can have your trap go off if you wanted to.
Hannah / Eryn:Yeah. Okay. I'll just wait for them. Cool. She's crouching behind a crate.
Tim / GM:Okay.
Speaker 4:She's
Hannah / Eryn:ready to go.
Tim / GM:You hear the door like, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle. And then, they they break the handle to the door to get in, and, the door Alright. Pries open. And they take the first few steps inside and they look around. They're very confident that nobody's there, and then they, like, just go into a frenzy and dive in towards all the stuff that's everywhere, and as soon as they do, one of them trips the thing and runs ahead.
Tim / GM:So that one doesn't get caught by the trap at all. He leaves his friend behind who gets demolished by this canvas of chains and and thick, like, tarp that just completely weighs him down, and you can hear him, like, screaming from underneath this tarp, leaving you to just deal with 1 gnoll.
Hannah / Eryn:Holly is going to she's gonna cast ray of sickness. Okay. 17.
Tim / GM:Absolutely. Yeah. And they also failed the save to not get sick from the ray of sickness.
Hannah / Eryn:Okay. So that's 10.
Tim / GM:Okay.
Hannah / Eryn:Ten poison damage.
Tim / GM:The one that you hit with ray of sickness immediately falls to its knees, and you hear just like retch. And then think It it obviously thinks it's dead based on that reaction. And then you see it stir a little bit and stand back up. It's not gone yet, but it's it's it's second guessing even being here in the first place. You can tell.
Tim / GM:The other one is completely immobilized, still shrieking underneath the chains and canvas.
Hannah / Eryn:Awesome.
Tim / GM:Next up in the order is Uli.
Speaker 2:So what am I up against?
Tim / GM:The handle of the door of the hair of the hog starts jiggling as if somebody's trying to break in. And, you see Ben pop up, and he's like,
Speaker 2:Dooley. I got this. And I'm standing by the door, like, in front of it.
Tim / GM:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like, the most intimidating I possibly can.
Tim / GM:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna true strike.
Tim / GM:Nice.
Speaker 2:I guess I'll pick up the broken stool.
Tim / GM:Okay.
Speaker 2:I'm, like, standing there as buff and scary as possible and holding a broken stool.
Tim / GM:Okay. You hear something slam against the door and then slam again. And you see some splinters start to buckle out of the door. Mhmm. And some of the trim is starting to come loose, and they slam it again and again and again.
Tim / GM:You hear Ben from behind the bar saying like, you're just gonna let them break the door. It's expensive.
Speaker 2:You wanna be out here defending your own bar?
Speaker 4:I mean, obviously, they're gonna get through. Just open the door for me.
Speaker 2:Fine. I lift the bar.
Tim / GM:Okay. The door opens and they go to slam it again, and the door just gets, like Yeah. Bashed by something and, like, slams against the other wall and, like, it recoils and, like, closes again. But you did see for a second what they were ramming it with. Uh-huh.
Tim / GM:It's a cannon. A literal cannon
Speaker 2:Oh, great.
Tim / GM:Being held by 2 gnolls that they use to bash open the door. Alright.
Speaker 2:I'll open the door again.
Tim / GM:Okay. You see them fussing with, like, some, like, stick that's shedding embers, and they're trying to light a fuse. Right.
Speaker 2:I'm going to cast reduce on the cannon.
Tim / GM:Okay. Yeah. Immediately. Yeah. Yeah.
Tim / GM:Okay.
Speaker 2:And then I'm pew pew, rolling for a surge. I'm good.
Tim / GM:Okay. The cannon begins to reduce. It becomes smaller and smaller, and the Knowles holding it get pulled into each other until they're, like, cheek to cheek, holding this little like pea shooter at you. And then all of a sudden you hear this like as it goes off and it just like you see this little, like, little tiny shot go across the room, and it just it slams right into Barrett, and he goes, ouch.
Speaker 2:That's that's all you got.
Tim / GM:They look up at you and they just go
Speaker 2:It's the reduce my turn.
Tim / GM:That's your action. Yeah. Did you wanna take a movement or a bonus action?
Speaker 2:Could I, like, have meta magicked that?
Tim / GM:To do what?
Speaker 2:To make that a bonus action instead of an action.
Speaker 4:Yeah. That's fine.
Speaker 2:Okay. Because then I can hit one of them with the stool.
Tim / GM:Oh, perfect. Yeah. Please do.
Speaker 2:Okay. A 19.
Tim / GM:Yeah. You you whacked that guy.
Speaker 2:I whacked him. 5 5 bludge.
Tim / GM:Okay. Yeah. You come down with the stool and you break the rest of the legs over this gnoll's head, and, it's not laughing anymore after that. They drop the pea shooter cannon on the floor, and it just kind of rolls away. And, Yeah.
Tim / GM:That's that. Next up is Bert.
Speaker 4:That's me. Alright. Can I get some sort of vantage, see how many gnolls are outside?
Tim / GM:Yeah. You kind of peek up from where you're at. You see, a couple more that are coming in. It almost looks like they're, like, slipping between some of the palisade timbers, where they've got enough of a gap for them to slip through. So you see a few more that are coming in, and you see 2 that are headed straight for the blacksmith shop.
Speaker 4:Alright. Eugene, get ready to release that trap. What did I say?
Tim / GM:You hear this like, Yeah. I don't know if there was a miscommunication but
Speaker 4:Do it.
Tim / GM:I'm not really a part of this. It's just you.
Speaker 4:Okay. I'll do it. Okay. So I'm gonna take an action then?
Tim / GM:No. Now it's a fake action. They set it up that it's just like a rope. Yep. Well, I
Speaker 4:wait for it to line up and then
Tim / GM:Okay. Yeah. Why don't you just
Speaker 4:give me,
Tim / GM:it might just be an intelligence check to time it right. Okay. Yeah. Let's do that.
Speaker 4:What the heck? I'm gonna use, the skill I always forget the name of, channel divinity
Speaker 7:Oh. To
Speaker 4:get good at barrel traps.
Hannah / Eryn:Oh, perfect. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Tim / GM:You remember reading about this once. Yeah.
Speaker 4:13.
Tim / GM:Okay. Yeah. I'll say 13 is enough to to make a difference here. Yeah. It, it doesn't win the fight for you, but you're too hesitant to do it before you can see the whites of their eyes kind of thing.
Tim / GM:So one actually gets in. The one behind it though gets demolished by coal filled barrels, that just kind of roll over him. You are quite sure actually by the end of the reaction that you actually killed him with those barrels. The other one though is inside, and, it didn't have a weapon before, but it picks up a shard of iron that was just sitting around and kind of, like, threatens you with it when he sees you inside. What do you do?
Speaker 4:Is Eugene safe pretty much?
Tim / GM:He's behind a locked door.
Speaker 4:Yeah. If I can still see more of them slipping through the, Palisades Mhmm. I'm going to cast Guardian of Faith there.
Tim / GM:Excellent. Okay.
Speaker 4:To get the ones from the end, and I'll have to deal with this guy later.
Tim / GM:Okay. Cool. So you cast Guardian of Faith in that space, and you see, one knoll that would, like, had just slipped through, dusting some dirt off of itself. And then it, like, you see this big stupid grin on its face, and you see its ugly teeth, and it takes a couple of steps into town, and then you see the guardian of faith just draw a sword from its Librium, and it swings down and cuts its fucking head off.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Oh my god.
Tim / GM:And then it just like stands watch, and you see the rest of the gnolls, like, push backwards, and you hear it like squealing at the other gnolls to, like, not push it forward into the guardian.
Speaker 4:I give a big thumbs up to the statue.
Tim / GM:It gives you a thumbs up. Yeah. Last, we've got Tibeo and the ice house. Tibeo, you were apparently the last to be targeted, or at least they're having trouble getting to the ice house. What have you done in the meantime?
Speaker 8:As I got in there, I looked at all of the pieces at my disposal.
Tim / GM:Mhmm.
Speaker 8:And
Speaker 4:I
Hannah / Eryn:cast animate dead at a 4th level.
Tim / GM:Okay.
Speaker 8:So I have 4 undead servants, 1 from the spell,
Hannah / Eryn:an extra 2 for it being at 4th level, and one extra one for my undead thralls ability.
Tim / GM:Okay.
Speaker 8:And, while I'm kinda twiddling my thumbs and waiting for the gnolls to show up, I command my undead servants to find a weapon.
Tim / GM:Okay. Yeah. One of your undead servants, a complete, dead goat that has been skinned and is just bone and muscle, walks up to you with a boning knife in its mouth, and it sets it down and goes,
Speaker 4:woah. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 8:Oh. Awesome. I attached the knife to its head.
Tim / GM:Okay. It's got yeah. I guess it doesn't have horns anymore, but it's got a knife where the horn should be.
Hannah / Eryn:Yeah. Or if it has any sort of anything.
Tim / GM:It's just,
Hannah / Eryn:yeah, making sure that it's gonna be able to ram whatever it wants.
Tim / GM:Yep. Yeah. We'll say the anatomy is, it's, it's at your whim.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Tim / GM:However you wanna attach that.
Hannah / Eryn:So yeah. Basically yeah. That's what I want is for all of
Speaker 8:them to be as armed as I can make them.
Tim / GM:Okay. Oh, I see.
Speaker 8:And then I'm going to hide.
Tim / GM:In the ice cream chamber? Yeah.
Speaker 8:And I want it to just, like, have a crack open so that I can cast
Hannah / Eryn:a spell from there if I have to.
Tim / GM:Okay. Yeah.
Speaker 8:So I'm watching what's happening, but mostly I'm commanding these 4 undead servants to protect the ice house and me.
Tim / GM:Okay. So a few moments go by, you hear some fighting outside. You're pretty familiar with what an Eldridge Bolt sounds like at this point. You hear some noise coming from what you think is the bar, like a tiny, like, explosive going off. You hear some barrels collapsing at the blacksmith, and a few minutes later, you feel like you really have to pee.
Tim / GM:What do you do?
Speaker 8:I very respectfully move some of the ice cream away from a corner.
Speaker 7:Oh, no.
Speaker 8:And I pee in the corner.
Tim / GM:And, right when you finish peeing, you hear, like, a a rustling upstairs. Somebody's trying to get into the ice house.
Speaker 8:Mhmm. I, shake it off, and I peek out the crack in the little door.
Tim / GM:So you see this, iron latch being rattled back and forth, and rattled back and forth, and then the door is just kicked. And, the iron latch busts and you can hear it ting ting fall away on the floor, and light from the moon comes pouring into this room. And you can see these gnolls behold your skinless creatures. And you hear this like and and they kind of like back away from it. And you hear the goat creeping up on them with this knife embedded in its head and goes And, you hear them screaming as they run away.
Tim / GM:One of them gets stuck inside the ice house and gets repeatedly trampled by this this, this bull, this muscular bull that just continues to stomp it with its hooves in the ice
Speaker 5:house. So horrifying.
Speaker 4:The fuck. This part's gonna get cut from the TV show.
Tim / GM:Yeah.
Speaker 2:To make it PG.
Speaker 8:Just so you know, my undead thralls get my proficiency bonus to weapon damage. So if that goat used that knife
Tim / GM:Yeah. Okay. I'm just curious here. So that's, that's a 16 to hit without any bonuses. The goat's got at least a plus 2 to strength.
Speaker 4:The goat is proficient in you.
Tim / GM:But proficient with knife as well.
Hannah / Eryn:To weapon damage.
Tim / GM:That's so that's a 4. And you said proficiency to damage? Yeah. And what's your proficiency?
Speaker 8:I think 3, unless it changed.
Speaker 4:Okay. Yeah. It's 3.
Tim / GM:So at least 7 per knife attack from just the goat, and you've got a menagerie of other, skinned animals to help you here. Suffice to say, your threat is dealt with in a single turn. Damn.
Speaker 8:And I have myself a celebratory bowl of ice cream.
Tim / GM:Okay. Yeah. Just chilling out down there. Let's, actually kick it back up to Snack.
Speaker 7:The gnoll, could it managed to hide from me?
Tim / GM:So yeah. Snack. You, you're down to 1 gnoll assailant who hid from you while while you're trying to defend the central water tower, which you realize now is a little more stressful than you thought it was gonna be, being that you've got a 360 degree, angle at which you can be attacked.
Speaker 6:Come out. Come out. I'll give you some water. I promise.
Speaker 7:Gonna try to, I guess, perception? Try to
Tim / GM:Yeah.
Speaker 7:Find them. 13.
Tim / GM:Okay. So what you notice from that is that this gnoll has decided that the best way to avoid your detection is to very slowly crawl across open space. So it takes you a second to find them, but they're doing a very poor job of hiding themselves with it too.
Speaker 6:Where where where are you Noah?
Tim / GM:You can see it's almost up to your false spigot now. It like rolls this barrel into the dirt a little bit and then tries to like prop it up to start collecting water. And it, like, reaches up to turn on the spigot and it can't find it because it's an illusion. And it just keeps swatting at it, trying to make it work.
Speaker 7:I want to walk up behind
Speaker 6:him and If I could ask you, what is it that you want water for?
Tim / GM:It, kind of turns around and looks at you. Instead of doing that laugh, it makes it go
Speaker 6:Well, I said I'd give you some water, but I lied. And I just like fire breathe him. Okay.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Excellent.
Speaker 7:Okay. So dex save against me.
Tim / GM:Brilliant. 2 again. This guy's great.
Speaker 8:Wowie. Alright.
Speaker 7:15 Damn. Damage. Okay.
Tim / GM:Yeah. Snack. You're sure about halfway through that fire breath that this thing is totally dead. And then you just continue to, like, exhale on this thing as it's just like, it's no longer moving, just a piece of charcoal kind of coiled on the ground, and you continue to just breathe on it and breathe on it. And, yeah.
Tim / GM:It it has stopped moving. Holly, you've done some significant damage to the gnoll that was freed. How do you finish it off?
Speaker 8:Can you
Hannah / Eryn:do a thunder step inside?
Tim / GM:Yes.
Hannah / Eryn:Okay. I'm gonna thunder step away out the open doors, and just have thunder erupt in the place I was.
Tim / GM:Yeah. Okay.
Hannah / Eryn:So I teleport myself to an unoccupied space. I can see the sound booms.
Tim / GM:They got a 4 and a nat one.
Hannah / Eryn:Yep. They lost. That con save you through. And then, they each take 3 d 10 thunder damage.
Tim / GM:Hell, yeah.
Hannah / Eryn:I spilled.
Speaker 2:I spilled.
Hannah / Eryn:13 thunder damage.
Tim / GM:Okay. To each of them? Because they both failed?
Hannah / Eryn:Yep.
Tim / GM:Okay. They are both unconscious. The one under the chains and canvas stops screaming. The one that was standing and thinking of leaving is no longer breathing.
Hannah / Eryn:The thunder can be heard up to 300 feet away.
Tim / GM:K.
Hannah / Eryn:I can teleport 90 feet, so I guess I'm just gonna go to the entrance of the storehouse.
Tim / GM:Next up, we've got Uli back in the bar.
Speaker 2:They're both still alive?
Tim / GM:Yes.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna split magic missile punch at, 3rd level.
Tim / GM:Five punches?
Speaker 2:Five punches. I'll do 2 to the weaker one.
Tim / GM:Yeah. Let's resolve those first.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Tim / GM:D 4 plus 1 per punch.
Speaker 2:So 4 to the weaker one and then 9.
Speaker 7:Okay. To the other one?
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Tim / GM:Okay. So they're they're both still standing, and they look equally weary, actually. You're you're clearly winning the fight, but they're both still up.
Speaker 2:Well, why isn't Barrett doing anything?
Tim / GM:Oh, sure. Yeah. You look back at Barrett, like, can you help out a little bit here? Yeah. Excuse me.
Tim / GM:Barrett just takes, like it seems like he takes 2 steps, and he's already to you. He just strides across the room so easily.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Tim / GM:He picks up one of the gnolls by his throat, and then he just throws it at the other gnoll.
Speaker 4:Great.
Tim / GM:Okay. So that's not great on the grapple. So he doesn't get a good hold of the gnoll. So instead he just kind of like lifts it and it struggles, and so he like drops it back to the ground, kind of on top of the other one. Okay.
Tim / GM:So that first one that had been injured takes the brunt. The second one that is still up is gonna try to bite Barrett.
Speaker 2:I would like to Ben luck
Tim / GM:Okay. Go ahead.
Speaker 2:To do a d four penalty to his attack roll.
Tim / GM:Roll it.
Speaker 2:Minus 4.
Tim / GM:Okay. Yeah. This thing goes to, bite barrett, and, you just kind of you don't want it to happen so badly. You don't wanna see Barrett get hurt. He's been nothing but kind and calm and helpful to you your whole life.
Tim / GM:And so you just kind of plead no. And when you do, for some reason, this gnoll has, like, some kind of, like, pain in its leg, and it just reels back and its bite misses. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Tim / GM:And Barrett is just fine. He tries to get some distance from that gnoll after it tries to bite him. We're back up to Bert, actually, after that.
Speaker 4:Alright. Does this one get an attack off on me?
Tim / GM:It does not go first. Great. Because their motive is to steal resources, you guys always have the first move.
Speaker 4:Love it. Okay. I'll light them up. I'm gonna shoot a 3rd level guiding bolt at it.
Tim / GM:Okay.
Speaker 9:Yeah. 13 to hit.
Tim / GM:13 does hit?
Speaker 4:Yeah. 16 damage.
Tim / GM:Yeah. He is, ignited in a righteous fire and burns to a pile of blacksmith shop.
Speaker 4:I, stomp out the fire.
Tim / GM:Good. And you hear from behind the door, is it Is it proof?
Speaker 4:We got all the ones in the building, Eugene. No barrels were harmed.
Tim / GM:No. Except for the ones that exploded.
Speaker 4:Except for the ones that exploded.
Tim / GM:I'm actually going to bring us right back to Uli after that.
Speaker 4:What?
Tim / GM:Uli.
Speaker 8:Woah. Plot.
Tim / GM:Yeah. Barrett, like, to finish it off, picks up a bottle and breaks it over the other one's head and just leaves it unconscious, finishing off the last couple HP that it had. And he looks back and he
Speaker 6:says, Uli.
Tim / GM:Yeah. We need to talk.
Speaker 2:About about what? He grabbed Did you do that?
Tim / GM:He grabs your wrist and he starts pulling you away.
Speaker 2:From where?
Tim / GM:You have never felt Barrett touch you in your life.
Speaker 4:Not even hugs?
Tim / GM:He's not a hugger.
Speaker 2:Okay. Where what are we doing? Where are we going?
Tim / GM:He doesn't say anything. He begins to walk with you, to a sort of supply closet. And, you see Benth kind of get up from behind the door and he goes, hey, what's, And, Barrett takes you into a closet, and he, like, closes it. And he says, Uli. And he's got his hands on your shoulders.
Speaker 2:What? What's up? You're freaking me out.
Tim / GM:Uli, you are not the only one in our family who is magic.
Speaker 4:Oh, what? Woah.
Tim / GM:I have magic too, but it's not like you. I'm magic in the way that I am protected from magic. That's how I protect this place. I I can't I can't be fooled. I can't be charmed.
Speaker 2:Okay. What? Sorry. This is all very out of pocket. I I had no idea.
Tim / GM:Uli, I I can't be charmed. Okay. I can't be charmed, but, Uli, everyone else can. Uli, something is wrong in Hog Wild. I can't be charmed, but everyone else can be.
Tim / GM:We'll eat whatever the gnolls are. They're a distraction.
Speaker 2:Okay. From what?
Tim / GM:Bert, back in the blacksmith shop. Oh.
Speaker 4:Well, that's all my best spell slots used for the day.
Tim / GM:You hear from behind the door?
Speaker 4:Good job. Thanks, Eugene. I think it's safe to come out now.
Tim / GM:The the door unlocks and opens, and Eugene steps out and he says, that was a really good job.
Speaker 4:Oh, well, thanks. I'm I'm I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out.
Tim / GM:You should be. Bert, your party has always been so impressed. No.
Speaker 4:Oh, have you read some of our, some of my works?
Tim / GM:Oh, Bert, you don't recognize me? And you turn around to see Eugene, and he says, it's your old pal, Joe. You know what's great about having a central water supply? No. It's very easy to distribute.
Speaker 4:Yay hoo. Here we go.
Tim / GM:Thanks so much for listening. I'm Tim, your DM and your genie.
Hannah / Eryn:I'm Hannah playing Holly Hyacinth.
Speaker 4:I'm Thomas. I play Engelbert f f Wisherspoon.
Speaker 8:I'm Tara and I play Tibio Femur.
Speaker 7:I'm John. I play Snack the Cobalt.
Speaker 2:And I'm Maggie playing
Speaker 4:Uli.
